For years, Millennial women were warned that having children would end their freedom, that abandoning careers to raise kids was weak, embarrassing, and risky. Sheryl Sandberg urged us to “Lean In” to our careers, prioritizing work over parenting, assuring us that kids would adapt to missed practices, that nannies or daycare could replace a mother’s presence, and that a husband’s exciting work life was something we deserved, too. Yet, she and other Gen X and Boomer women overlooked countless peers who chose to stay home, raise their children, and lead rich, meaningful lives with their families-stories Hollywood rarely tells.
My mother, a stay-at-home mom, taught me lessons no school or paid caregiver could replicate. Her daily sacrifices showed me the essence of parenthood: prioritizing your children’s well-being. Every afternoon, she was there when I stepped off the school bus, instantly sensing whether my day was good or bad, ready to ask questions or sit quietly until I opened up. She attended every school performance and event, so when I looked into the crowd of adults, I knew there was one there who was rooting especially for me, which helped build my
self-esteem. She built rapport with my teachers, advocating for me with an administration that knew and respected her, which was particularly helpful when I struggled. She cultivated relationships with other moms in town during the day while I was at school, so when we needed it, we had a support system. Yes, she also did the laundry, cooked meals, and cleaned the house. In short, she made our house a home in which we all felt safe and loved.
However, none of this would have worked without my father’s understanding and respect for the role of a stay-at-home mom. My dad put my mother on a pedestal. Every single night, he thanked her. Whenever my sister or I back-talked or remarked on our mother not working, our father firmly corrected us, emphasizing that her role was the most important job in the world, and suggesting otherwise was both disrespectful to her and simply untrue. On weekends, my dad would often be the one to entertain us, giving my mom a bit of a break from her day-to-day demands of taking care of us kids. My mother didn’t go to a fancy college, and she isn’t what you would call book smart, but my father insisted that my mother’s street smarts outmatched anyone who went up against her. He worked tirelessly to provide for our family so she could raise us, while she equally supported his efforts, creating a partnership of mutual respect and purpose.
I’m not naive enough to think that in today’s economy, this is attainable for most families. Many have been dealt a tough hand. But we shouldn’t fear making this a goal for marriages and families. We have lost sight of just how critical traditional structures are for children. Studies show that children, both young and older, have better academic and emotional outcomes when one parent stays home, especially the mother.
Most importantly, however, staying home is the greatest reward for Millennial women, a perspective I only came to understand after experiencing it myself. After leaving a
high-powered Wall Street job trading commodities in 2020 to stay home with my two boys, I shed the constant exhaustion and guilt of balancing work and motherhood- resenting my husband for not doing laundry, feeling torn between exercise and time with my kids, and