Parenting is hard. There I said it. Not just hard, but really, really hard. Like advanced calculus, quantum mechanics type hard. Gestating a baby, growing him inside you for nearly 40 weeks, birthing him through the most painful experience you’ll ever have, then taking care of him for the rest of your life is hard. And there’s nothing wrong with saying it is.

I never anticipated being a stay-at-home mom, but the 2020 pandemic made that choice for me. After losing my job, I decided to stay home with my three children, and we were soon joined by two more.

I never really thought about how I would care for five children, all under the age of 10 (four of them boys). But on some days, I am so overwhelmed that it feels like everything is impossible. I can’t keep up with the cleaning because they’re constantly destroying things. We haven’t had a coffee table in 10 years. We can’t have tablecloths, flowers, or even salt and pepper on the table. They get into everything and have caused us so much damage that we’ve simply given up on replacing what they break.

I can’t read when they’re awake, I can hardly write, and when I cook, I generally find the easiest and quickest thing to make so I can get back to my primary duty of policing them.

There are times when I struggle to think clearly, and there are entire days when I am unable to accomplish anything productive. Do you know what it’s like to have a stomach bug hit five children all at the same time?!

As a parent, you’re often reminded that your kids are only young for a short time, and this crazy period will at some point be over, and you’ll miss it. It’s hard to imagine running around like a chicken with its head cut off, shouting, going from child to child frantically stopping them from destroying the house, is something you’ll miss, but I know deep inside I will. It feels hard to find support for those of us in the thick of parenting, as my doctor put it. I know this time shall pass. But it doesn’t mean it’s not hard. It doesn’t mean sometimes I won’t feel bouts of depression, anxiety & sheer exacerbation (not to mention the tachycardia and high blood pressure).

It’s normal to feel like this sometimes. It’s normal to be overwhelmed. And it’s normal to vent about it. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Things change. Kids grow up. And eventually they move out. At some point, the wild, crazy days of their youth will be a distant memory as they move on, starting their own lives and experiencing these crazy days for themselves.

Parenting is simultaneously the hardest yet most rewarding thing most of us will ever experience. It can shatter your heart and give you the greatest love you’ll ever know, all at the same time.

Sometimes it seems impossible. You created humans with their own personalities, wants, and desires. Humans who, despite your best efforts, you cannot control. All you can do is your best. Provide your children with love, teach them independence, show them the world, and prepare them for the best and the worst of it.

So, for the parents who need to hear it, it’s gonna be okay. You’re doing a great job! You’re not a bad parent for losing your cool from time to time. You’re not a bad parent for complaining, feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed over your kids. You’re normal. You did the most amazing thing in the world! You created a family. And as I shout at my 3-year-old to stop swinging around headphones (he’s gonna hit someone in the eye!)I have to remember this myself.

It’s gonna be okay! And if you don’t feel like that now, it’s okay too. It’s okay to not be okay, sometimes.

RebeccaVelo is a mom, wife, and political writer. She is the Opinion Editor for WrongSpeak Publishing and also writes for Substack.